The Service Club's new website
by otakuanime123
Summary: Yukino continues her quest in changing Hachiman for the better with her newly made Service Club website but when she does, she realises she wants more than that - she wants to be with Hachiman. How will this unfold? Written in Hachiman and Yukino's perspective. My first ever story so reviews welcomed!
1. Chapter 1: The new website

"So… This is our new Service Club website?" I shifted my gaze from the laptop screen to Yukinoshita.

Yukinoshita nodded, embarrassed.

"Yukinon and I have been working on it for a month! What do you think, Hikki?" Yuigahama cut in with her usual high-pitched voice, sounding fairly excited. My eyes focussed back onto the laptop screen - a website with a background filled with pictures of dogs. It's not hard to tell which part of the website was Yuigahama's idea.

"Yeah…" I wasn't sure how to continue from there.

"Before you belittle this website any further or judge it for its background, I can assure you that we've done more than just adding a few dog pictures. I've reprogrammed the website source code to make the website more efficient. It provides anonymity to the students sending in their requests in case some of the students are too shy to reveal their identity. I've also added in a feature where students can direct their requests to a specific person within our club, should the request only concern one of us and not require much manpower or work." Yukinoshita cut in, still furiously typing away on her keyboard. "Since a certain someone likes to work on requests on his own a lot, I thought this would be more convenient for him," she added, sarcastically. I glared at her. Excuse me, weren't you against it? Why did you add a feature that would help me do so if you disliked the way I settled those requests so much? Whatever.

"Fine by me," I fell back into my chair nonchalantly. I've picked enough fights with Yukinoshita to know that any attempt of starting an argument with her would only end in getting utterly defeated. I retreated back into the comfort of my book. The reform of the website didn't concern me much anyway.

The Service Club had gotten busier lately, especially with the publicity and credit Iroha had been giving us. Ever since we helped her with her student council event she'd been spreading the word about how effective we were in helping others. Fortunately or unfortunately, we had been getting a lot more requests for help from people, so the website's reform would help organise that a lot more.

"I've also made a phone application for it, so you can just access all request through your phone. This would make it much more accessible for us. Do you guys have any more ideas on how to improve the website?" Yukinoshita followed up.

"I think we need more dogs!" Yuigahama insisted.

"No, Yui…"

I zoned out of their meaningless conversation and into the depths of my book - a skill any loner would've picked up to drown out the incessant chatter in the classrooms everyday. I spent the rest of the club session just reading as Yuigahama babbled on about the foolish additions she wanted for the website - something which I bore no interest in at all.

* * *

I finally finished it. A website which allows users to direct their requests to us individually. I heaved a sigh of relief. I had finally finished the final touches on our new website and as per Yuigahama's request, I (sadly) changed the website's wallpaper to pictures of dogs but that was beside the point. My mind wandered back to Hikigaya-kun. Finally, I can use this website's anonymous function to communicate with Hikigaya-kun without him knowing it's me and he'll never find out. I took off my glasses and massaged the bridge of my nose. I'd been working on this website reform for so long, my eyes really needed a break. But for Hikigaya-kun, this was all worth it.

"Ya-Hallo!" Yuigahama slammed the sliding door open. Hikigaya-kun and I were already inside the classroom, reading our respective books.

"Yo." Hikigaya-kun's typical, lame and boring greeting.

"Hello." I greeted back.

It was finally club meeting again. I'd waited quite a while for this but today I finally got to introduced the website to Yuigahama and Hikigaya-kun, though Hikigaya-kun didn't really appear very concerned about the website's new look. He passed it off quickly and I was disappointed. I put so much effort into making this website and this is how he treats it. I kept my cool, not wanting to leak any emotion of disappointment. Yuigahama, on the other hand, was only concerned about the "lack" of dog pictures on our website despite the background already being filled with them. I guess it was better than no one questioned the rationale behind allowing people to direct requests to us individually. I was sure Hikigaya-kun was going to interrogate me about it but for some reason he kept quiet today. I even prepared a whole list of reasons to counter him in the back of my mind but it's all futile now.

"All right, all right. I'll put some pictures of your dog too," I carried on this chatter with Yuigahama. She was always good at keeping a conversation even though it felt there was completely nothing to talk about. Probably something people would have to pick up after hanging out with the more popular kids of the school. I continued to entertain her but my eyes were constantly drawn to Hikigaya-kun as he said at his usual seat reading the book he always reads. My mind flickered back to the first day he was brought in here by Hiratsuka-sensei. She wanted me to fix him, to change him. And I really want to change him. Though, now, I'm not really sure if I'm doing it to fulfil Hiratsuka-sensei's request or… if I was just doing this for myself. Every time I saw Hikigaya-kun use his own self-sacrificing methods, I could feel my heart sink. The more he did it, the more hurt I felt. I don't know why or what I'm feeling but I needed this feeling to stop. I needed him to change and learn that his methods weren't right. I remember the time back at the bamboo road. The first time I felt as though my heart had broken into a million pieces when Hikigaya-kun pretended to confess to Ebina. It was a fake confession, yet the pain I felt in my chest was so real. So painful and unforgettable. I never really properly grasped this feeling but I knew since then, his methods had to stop. This website was the first time to changing Hikigaya-kun and his ways.

Club meeting had ended in the blink of an eye. Hikigaya-kun dumped his book into his bag and slung the bag strap over his shoulders, turning toward the door.

"Don't forget to install the application on your phone," I reminded Yuigahama and Hikigaya-kun, more specifically Hikigaya-kun. I had to make sure he would receive all the messages from the website.

"Oh. Uh… Yeah, sure," he replied, half-heartedly. What a promising response.

"Of course!" Yuigahama's cheerful reply was a stark contrast to that of Hikigaya-kun's. "See you guys next meeting!" She flashed her smile. But Hikigaya-kun and I long realised the emotions behind her smile were much more than meets the eye.

It's been a while since all those things happened, yet the bonds between the three of us still felt quite strained. Improving, but strained. Perhaps it was unavoidable since Hikigaya-kun and I were both really bad with interpersonal interactions and having Yuigahama try to bridge us all together was a tall order. She couldn't keep this relationship from running out of steam eventually even if she tried her hardest. I knew deep down that there would come a day this club would turn completely silent. We'd have nothing to say to each other anymore and just sit in the classroom, each reading our book and Yuigahama just texting on her phone. But how I wish I was terribly wrong, or at least that this day would come much later. I was still learning about how the whole concept of friendship worked. Maybe I could master it before that day came and prevent it for coming. For now, all I could do was hope. Hope that the three of us could continue being us. The words Hikigaya-kun said at the Kasai Rinkai Park reverberated through my mind again. I will struggle for the friendships in this club and I know Hikigaya-kun and Yuigahama would too. I slowly regained faith, that we would stay friends. As Hikigaya-kun said, only through struggling for it will we find something genuine. I'm sure our friendship will withstand the difficulties to come. I looked out the window into the evening sky as my mind continued to wander.

* * *

The evening sun coloured the sky a beautiful orange. The clear sky gave way to the sun's rays, casting shadows all over the ground. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I continued my way home. Ugh. I really don't understand people. It's been too long since I've properly interacted with people. And now, when I finally have friends that I care about, I struggle to keep their friendship. I kicked the stones on the pavements. I was getting frustrated. Ironic how we talked much better when we just met, throwing insults at each other without giving much of a damn but now that we're much closer, and we've been through so much together, talking to them just seems so much… different. I couldn't explain why, it just was. Sigh. At least you'll stay with me forever right. I looked down at my shadow and muttered. Maybe I was wrong all along. I was destined to be an unpopular loner, regardless of whoever I met. No matter how hard I tried, I'll always be the unpopular loner, the one left with no friends.

No. I tightened my grip on my bag strap. We'll make it through this. I forced myself to think. I'm not letting the first two friends who mattered so much to me slip through my fingers. We'll be good friends again. I quickened my footsteps anxiously. I felt so helpless. I didn't know what do apart from hope for the best. I always lived my life thinking that I should never hold (for hope) but this time, it felt like the only thing I could do. Never in my life had I felt so hopeless…

"Onii-chan!" I was greeted by my younger sister upon opening the house door. Komachi was clad in her newly-bought Soubu High School uniform. It's been days since the announcement of her success in getting into Soubu High School, yet she was still overwhelmed by her excitement. "What do you think, Onii-chan! How do I look?" She posed for me in her favourite pose - one hand pointing to her cheek and the other on her hip.

"Adorable," I answered, without taking a second glance at her. She'd asked this same question for the past few days already. I dropped my bag on the ground, removed my shoes and placed them back into the shoe rack.

"Onii-chan, can't you reply with something more original like 'Oh, you look beautiful no matter what you wear.'," she squealed. "I bet that just scored me a lot of points!" She continued with her catchphrase. She spun around in her uniform as the skirt twirled along with her in the air.

"Mm," I acknowledged, I wasn't in much of a mood to entertain the ever-hyperactive Komachi. The thoughts plaguing my mind never failed to dampen my spirits.

"I can't wait to go to Shoubu High School! I'll even join the Service Club! And we can have club meetings together with Yuigahama and Yukinoshita! We'd drink tea and eat cookies together…" she babbled on about her idealistic first year in high school, maybe too idealistic. She wasn't aware of all the events that happened to the club recently but I presume it's better she didn't know. I really appreciated having a younger sister. She would always be there with her cute personality to cheer me up, even if it were just a little bit. The corners of my mouth curved up slightly as I continued to listen to her describe her ideal first year in high school. The naivety of children will always be something I envy.

"So," she cut off from her ramble, her tone becoming much more serious. She lay on the sofa with her hands supporting her chin as she stretched her neck to look at me, her grin still plastered onto her face. "How's it going with Yuigahama and Yukinoshita?"

The question caught me off-guard. "Huh?" I exclaimed subconsciously. What's with the sudden question. Did she know about everything that happened?

"I mean, it's been a few months since you've known them. I've pulled out all the stops to get you together with one of them but you seem to be going nowhere! Have you decided on which one of them you want?"

I paused. I never pondered upon this question before.

"Do I have to pick one?"

"You can't be dating two girls at the same time! That doesn't work, Onii-chan!" she raised her voice, shaking her finger at me.

"Can't we all just be friends in the same club?"

"If that's what you wish Onii-chan. But… is that really what you wish for? You could date one of them and be friends with the other!" She got off the couch and inched closer towards where I was seated. "I'm just looking out for my Onii-chan, you know. Don't want him to be a ninety year old bachelor. Friends are important, but maybe you should consider a partner. You have two eligible girls in the Service Club, whomever you choose I will support your decision!" Her face was practically in my face as she finished her sentence.

I sat still, stunned. The sudden, yet realistic question froze me at my place. Komachi noticed my surprised reaction and my inability to follow up with her question.

"Well, I'm going to shower now, Onii-chan! Take good care of my uniform!" She skipped into the bathroom, saving me from the situation.

I sat at the dinner table I was at, my mind still processing what Komachi had said. High school was coming to a close. The two girls I've held so closely to the past few months. My time with them will inevitably come to a close as well. I never thought about any of them romantically until Komachi had mentioned it. My past experiences made me cynical about boy-girl relationships but for once, I felt truly special to a girl. Not like the way Kaori was nice to everyone, but I felt more than that to the two of them. Now that I started thinking about it, I don't know what to do. I've never attempted to decide between Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. Yuigahama - the upbeat girl who's given me chocolates twice and Yukinoshita - the cold, icy queen masking her feminine side which I find adorable. It would be impossible for me to pick between these two. I shook the thought from my head. No, that may not even happen. I'm not even sure if I'll carry on talking to the two of them. Right now, it's more important we just stay friends. Any romantic relationship has a chance of ruining our friendships forever. I know that. I've been through that.

I spent the night tossing and turning at the thought of choosing between Yuigahama and Yukinoshita - what I thought I'd already passed off as a near-impossible situation. The future only fills us with depression and anxiety. I pressed my pillow against my face. Just sleep. I tried to fight my insomnia-inducing thoughts. I knew life as a loner was much better. No need to deal with all these complex emotions. Ugh. The social life. But I knew deep down, I never regretted joining the Service Club.


	2. Chapter 2: Bees

**Author's note:** Hi readers! Thanks for the feedback for chapter 1. I appreciate all kinds of reviews, even if it's just "good" and if you think I didn't do anything well enough please do let me know as well! I'm not sure if you'll like this chapter, I think some people will find it a bit weird, but nonetheless, hope you enjoy this chapter and tell me what you think about such a plot! Enjoy!

* * *

Hikigaya-kun. What do I have to do to make you realize the obvious flaw in your methods. To show you that sacrificing yourself, your dignity, should never be a way out of things. Even for you…

I sipped from my tea cup. My eyes were on my book but I wasn't absorbing a single word. My mind was still fixated on how to change Hikigaya. I did the first step of modifying and improving the website. I hadn't thought much about the rest of the plan, only a vague idea. I continued sipping my tea. Drinking tea soothed me and helped me concentrate better. I put my book down and started up my laptop, prepared to begin writing my "request" to Hikigaya-kun. I stared at my laptop screen, my thoughts swirling around messily in my head. I was stuck on a request page to Hikigaya-kun, the text box for the request still entirely empty. What do I write, what do I write? Something inconspicuous, yet simple enough for the overly-arrogant Hikigaya-kun to understand. How do I change his thinking? It wasn't often that I was unable to think up anything but this was one of those few moments. I racked my brains thinking of an idea, a solution. I turned to grab my Pan-san plush toy that was placed conveniently near me.

"What do I do, Pan-san?" I extended my hands and faced Pan-san towards me. I wasn't expecting a reply but for a few seconds I just stared at Pan-san before putting him back at his original spot. Ugh. Even Pan-san doesn't have any ideas for me. I gazed at the blank text box for what felt like eternity. My fingers set readily on the keyboard but I had no clue what to type. I lay my head back on the sofa seat behind me as I continued to brainstorm.

Only hours later, did I finally think of a feasible idea - one inconspicuous enough but not necessarily simple enough for Hikigaya-kun to understand. I guess I'll just drop some hints along the way for him. I highly doubted Hikigaya-kun's ability to decipher this riddlish plan I'd just thought up to let him see the flaws in his own ways, but at this point, this was the best idea I had. As the night got late, I began typing my "request" for Hikigaya-kun. Please, please change Hikigaya-kun.

I inhaled sharply after finishing the final words of my request. With anxiety and hope, I clicked the "submit" button, sending the request straight to Hikigaya-kun's account. I really hope this works. Doubt shrouded my thoughts. Is this actually how a first year male student would sound like? Will Hikigaya-kun see through my mask of anonymity? But it was too late now. I had to go on with this plan. The plan will work. I reaffirmed myself.

* * *

Beeeep!

A notification from my phone caused it to ring. I looked to my phone, puzzled. Nobody ever texts or calls me, except maybe Totsuka occasionally. Please don't tell me it's Hiratsuka-sensei forcing me to go on some boring trip again. Reluctantly, I set down the game controller in my hand and shuffled toward my phone on the desk. Who's the cruel person that had to send me a notification while I was in the midst of my favourite game…

I flipped my phone over to see its screen. Oh. It's from the dumb website Yukino "reformed".

You've got a private request!

Seriously? Who and why would anyone ever send me a private request? Who's being such an annoyance to me. I swiped to open the notification. Right. Yukino added this new anonymity feature. Great. Now I can't even find out who's the person ruining my beautiful day alone. I heaved a sigh before deciding to at least read the request, still in a state of nonplus.

Hikigaya-senpai, I'm a first year student in Soubu High School and I really need you help!

There's this girl that I like and I found out that she's sort of into bees? I intend to take her out to the nearby insectarium in town but I'm a little nervous and busy at the moment. I was wondering if you could perhaps help me scout out the area first? Like let me know a bit more about the information written there about the bees and how the overall place is like. It would be a great pleasure if you could help me out here! Also, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone in school about this. If other people find out about this request, the word is going to spread really quickly and my reputation would be ruined, especially because I doubt there's a lot of first year girls who are into bees. Anyway, thank you in advance!

You've got to be kidding me. I reread the message once more to make sure I was reading it correctly. A first year student was the one ruining my perfect day. If you're nervous about going to see bees why're you bringing her there in the first place? And sadly my dear first year student, you'll soon realize all girls do are fool you and lure you in as you fail to realize that they're simply just nice to everybody. Memories of my junior high days where just exchanging greetings with a girl and texting them made my heart flutter came back to bombard my mind. I opened the reply text box, preparing a long message in my mind to warn him about the dangers of chasing a girl. My fingers flew furiously across the keyboard as the recollection of my junior high memories motivated me more. Years of torment, being duped, fooled, scoffed at and misunderstanding their every intention. I was at least a thousand words in before I realized the foolishness of what I was doing. I fell back into the soft comfort of my sofa's backrest. What are you doing? I stared blankly at the ceiling and held down the backspace button. Have you decided…? I could hear Komachi's question being repeated in my head. Years of misunderstanding...until now. None of my junior high classmates every treated me like a friend. I thought they were but unbeknownst to me, I was a laughing stock the entire time. I thought back to Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. Maybe not all girls are bad. Girls are made of sugar, spice and all things nice, though some have a lot more of "sugar" and "nice".

Fine. I'll see what I can do.

I replied. The benefit of doubt meeting Yuigahama and Yukinoshita gave me persuaded me to accept the request. A request is a request after all, and we are the Service Club after all. The least I could do was try my best and help him out and maybe there will be one less loner in the world.

It was an off-day the next day, which I planned to use to visit the insectarium. I wanted to finish the request as quickly as possible, both for him and for me. What kind of girl is interested in bees anyway? I dressed up with my usual casual t-shirt and bermudas, and was ready to embark. I spent last night finding the route to the place and it wasn't too long of a walk, thankfully.

"Onii-chan! Where are you going!" A loud, ear-piercing yell echoed down the hall. Komachi skipped out of her room in her pajamas. "Where are you going without me, Onii-chan!" She furrowed her eyebrows and leaned closer towards me, her hands on her hips. Typical clingy little sisters. "You don't usually like going out on off-days too. Where could you be going?" She continued. Right. I'm wasting an off-day for this mediocre request, thanks for reminding me.

My mind flickered back to the message. Don't tell anyone in school. The message said. But Komachi wasn't technically in Soubu High School yet, and besides she'd just be accompanying me to the insectarium, I wouldn't be revealing any information about the request.

"I'm going to the nearby insectarium to check out bees, you want to come?" I eventually decided to invite Komachi. It'd definitely be a lot more fun with her around, and no harm would be done having her with me.

Komachi was startled for a second before she properly processed what I had just said. "Yes! Give me a second to change!" She shouted while rushing back to her room. As soon as she got changed into her yellow dress, we left for the insectarium.

"Onii-chan! Why're we going to the insectarium?" Komachi enquired.

"Uh...It's a request and I'm not exactly allowed to reveal too much about it so…"

"What a weird request. Someone asked you to visit an insectarium?"

You're telling me. Who would ever ask a girl out to an insectarium? As the self-proclaimed king of rejections, I'm certain no girl would ever agree to go on such a date but maybe first years have a different kind of taste from us. Hopefully he won't get rejected...like I did.

"Woah!" Komachi exclaimed at the sight of the insectarium. I could understand why, too. The place was huge and it was our first time visiting one in our entire lives too. "Let's go!" She skipped excitedly into the insectarium while I followed behind, dragging my feet as I walked.

"This way to the bees section, Onii-chan!" She pointed before rushing off in that direction without even glancing at me. I'd never seen someone so energetic and enthusiastic at such a place before. But then again, she's Komachi, she's energetic all the time. I inhaled and exhaled sharply. I can't believe I'm wasting my off-day like this.

I entered the bees' habitat to see Komachi pressing her face against the glass, trying to get as close to the bees as possible to get a good look at them. She was in awe, with a look of astoundment on her face. Only after a while of staring at the bees did she realize my presence. She turned to me.

"Onii-chan! Look, they're just like you!" She paused and glued her face to the glass again. "Nobody wants to make friends with either of you." She finished. Wow. Thanks for the boost in self-esteem, Komachi. I looked away from her with a face of annoyance. I wasn't actually annoyed, Komachi says these kind of things all the time. She chuckled and turned back to me. She smiled sweetly at me. "Just kidding! I meant you're both sweet like the honey they collect!" She smiled wider and more innocently. "That sure scored me a lot of points!" No compliment from Komachi was ever complete without her signature catchphrase.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks." I replied nonchalantly.

"Onii-chan, come read more about the bees!" She signalled to the display board situated right next to her. Well, I was supposed to find out more about the place. I walked over to Komachi, while she continued leaning against the glass wall separating us and the bees, to read the text.

 _Altruism in bees: When bees sting, they actually die themselves too. Then why do they sting if it costs them their lives? When they sense that there is danger, they sting to attempt to get rid of it, for the sake of their colony. They are willing to sacrifice their lives for their continuity of the rest of their colony. This is also known as altruism in animals, the selfless desire to help others._

Wow. I raised my head to admire the bees again. That's cool.

"Do you think bees have emotions?" Her question popped out of nowhere. Before I even had the chance to reply, she spoke again. "Onii-chan…" Komachi's tone sounded much more serious now. She peeled her face off the glass wall and her smile vanished from her face. "You really are a bee… aren't you?" She shifted her vision toward me.

I was bewildered. Did she just call me a bee in all seriousness?

"Bees are willing to sting and sacrifice themselves for the greater good of the colony." A smile slowly crept up her face again as she leaned in closer to me and smiled. "So aren't you a bee?" She backed away and skipped out of the bees' habitat. "Come on, Onii-chan! Let's go see more insects!" I didn't even have time to reply to what she had said.

What was all that about? How did she just change from serious to cheerful in just a moment? I will never understand the fickleness of the people. I dragged my feet, following in Komachi's direction.

After an entire afternoon out, we finally reached home. I was exhausted but Komachi looked like she still had a lot of energy left in her. I dropped onto the couch. Finally done.

"That was so fun, Onii-chan! Let's go somewhere else another time!" She still had the energy to pull on my leg and shout. I ignored her and whipped out my phone to reply to the request. It was the whole reason we were out today in the first place. I typed in everything I could remember and sent it back to the first year student. I stretched, tired. You really are a bee, aren't you? Komachi's words continued buzzing in my head before I eventually fell asleep on the couch out of exhaustion. Am I a bee?

* * *

You are a bee, Hikigaya-kun, and not just in terms of being looked at as a pest by many. I checked the time on my phone. Hikigaya-kun should reaching home from the insectarium now already. I hope everything went well.

I squeezed my Pan-san plush toy close to my chest to calm my nerves. Thankfully I found Komachi's contact in my phone which made my plan a lot easier. I had to spend a rather long time last night explaining the details of my entire plan and Hikigaya-kun's character in the Service Club to Komachi and told her to keep it a secret from Hikigaya-kun. She was the closest person to Hikigaya-kun and probably the most convenient person to help me drop hints for him. I hope she did fine dropping hints in the insectarium. Please, Komachi, help me change Hikigaya-kun.

The ring of my phone derailed my train of thoughts. I nervously checked it. As expected, it was Hikigaya-kun replying to my request. He's home. I hope he got the message. I squeezed my Pan-san plush toy tighter.

Hikigaya-kun really is a bee. When bees are faced with a problem, or danger more specifically in their case, their way of getting themselves out of it is through stinging. The self-sacrifice of a few bees for the greater good of the colony. That's exactly how Hikigaya-kun thinks. Whenever a request is given to the Service Club, his immediate response is to think of a solution which requires his own self-sacrifice - sacrificing his dignity, his reputation, etc. I clenched my fist. But we're different from bees. We are humans. We have emotions. I hope he realizes that a bee sacrificing itself isn't just about itself, but also concerns those around it. Whenever he carries out such a stupid plan having to sacrifice himself, it hurts me. It angers me. It's not just about you anymore Hikigaya-kun. Remember that now, you have people around you who care about you and it hurts us whenever we see you belittle yourself like that. Stop being a bee who thinks the only way out is self-sacrifice. You're more than a bee, Hikigaya-kun. I know that. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I don't know why it hurts me so bad, but please stop hurting me.


	3. Chapter 3: Yui

**Author's note:** Just thought I'd put it out first that this isn't gonna be a 20 chapter long story but a rather short one. And honestly, I think I should've given a lot more thought and planning into the story on my part, my bad and sorry if the story doesn't live up to expectations. Plus, I'm getting busier so I don't know how much more I'll finish by then but for now, hope this chapter is okay. Continue leaving me reviews, I want to see what you guys think. Thank you!

* * *

I squeezed the chocolates in my hand. I could feel my hand beginning to tremble. They were the chocolates I baked a few months back on Valentine's day. I'd always wanted to pass them to Hikigaya-kun but… I never could muster the courage to do so. The only time I had ever given someone chocolates was long ago to Hayama-kun and Nee-san and that was before I even knew about the romantic meaning behind giving someone chocolates on Valentine's day. Just the thought of handing Hikigaya-kun these chocolates made me tremble from nervousness. I hadn't fully grasped my feelings for Hikigaya-kun, if it was just a fleeting infatuation, whether I'd only enjoyed his company as a friend or if it was something more. But for now, all I thought was that I wanted to pass these chocolates to him. They'd been in the freezer ever since that day at Kasai Rinkai Park. The scene of Yuigahama-san giving chocolates to Hikigaya-kun caused the courage which I took months to muster to come crumbling to pieces again. A study suggested falling in love comes at the cost of two close friends. But what if I only have two close friends, one of whom is the one I'm in love with. Mathematically, it could never work out. And even if I try, I'll just end up with no friends, losing the only two people I could ever call close friends in my life. I furrowed my brows. _Why do emotions have to be so complicated? Why can't I just stop feeling?_ I tried my best to suppress my emotions but the desire to at least pass him my handmade chocolates overwhelmed me.

I fell forward onto the desk, my head flat on its surface. The bright light of the laptop screen was calling for me. _Should I really do this?_ I kept telling myself to give up on Hikigaya-kun, that'd it'd be best if we were friends, but there was something constantly pushing me to charge forward into what I knew would be a dark abyss, a failure. _Hikigaya-kun and I would never be a thing._ _And...Yuigahama-san… I can't lose her for the sake of Hikigaya-kun._ I slid my face up to look at my screen. _No one will find out anyway._ With that thought in mind, I resumed my persona as a first year student and began typing another message for Hikigaya-kun. _I hope you like my chocolates, Hikigaya-kun._

* * *

The living room was filled with the sounds of my fingers smashing the video game controller buttons. I was dead focussed on the television screen. It was the first time I had ever progressed so far into this game. _Come on, come on, just a bit more…_ Never would I have thought that what would end this amazing run would be something that almost never happened. My phone rang again. I jumped, startled at the sound of the ring. I could never get used to my phone ringing so much. _Yes, to me this was considerate quite a lot._ I momentarily lost grip of my game controller as my game character went completely out of control, ending the best run of the game I ever had in my life. Needless to say, I was pissed off. I even attempted to reach out to my television screen to beg for another chance. _Ugh. Who is it this time? This better be worth me losing my game._ With gritted teeth, I got off my seat and approached my phone. _Great. Another notification from Yukino's stupid website. Thanks Yukino for helping me lose one of the best game runs ever._ Still angered, I swiped open the notification. _What now? I already spent an afternoon visiting an insectarium for someone, what else do people want._

 _Hikigaya-senpai, it's me, the first year who asked for your help previously. Thanks so much for helping me scout the insectarium! The outing went really well! I want to thank you for your time and help so I bought some chocolates for you. I'm a bit shy, so I'll just leave them on the roof tomorrow after school, remember to take them before you leave! They'll be in a small blue box. Thanks again!_

I was honestly surprised that his outing with a girl to the insectarium went decently. I didn't think that any outing to the insectarium would end out well but I felt happy for him, especially because I actually played a part in helping him perfect his outing. A tiny smile crept up my face. Glad to see that at least somebody's relationship building is working out while my relationships continue to fall apart… The smile slowly faded. I guess the trip to the insectarium turned out to be pretty worthwhile after all. I even managed to get free chocolates. Fortunately I helped someone who understood what gratitude means. I made a mental note to visit the roof tomorrow after school before resuming my game. Only then did I recall it was this message that had costed me one of my best game runs. I took a deep breath. At least he's giving me some free chocolates. Usually, I'd immediately block all contact with such a person but I tried to think optimistically instead. I guess I'll let it slide just this once since he was just trying to be grateful. I picked my game controller up and continued playing my console game.

Ringgggggggg!

The reverberating sound of the ringing school bell signalled the end of school. I packed my books into my bag and was ready to leave for the rooftop. There was no way I'd forget to take some free chocolates. Besides, they'd melt and no one would eat them anymore if I forgot to take them today.

"Hikki!" There was only one person who'd ever call me that. I turned around to see Yuigahama running toward me. She stopped right in front of my face. "Hikki! Are you going for club? Wanna go together?" She'd ask me that question every time we had club meetings in the afternoon. I don't understand why she bothered asking since we did it all the time anyway.

"Yeah, I'll be going for club, but I need to go somewhere first. You can go to the club room first."

"Oh? Where are you going? You usually don't have anything to do after school."

"I...uh…" I remembered again that I wasn't supposed to tell others from our school about the request. I didn't understand what harm would have been done if I told Yukinoshita and Yuigahama about the request since they probably wouldn't know many first years but I respected his request and decided not to divulge too much about the request either. "I need to go to the roof to take something." I tried to be as vague as I could.

"Hm…?" Yuigahama leaned back a bit in astonishment before bringing her face right in front of mine again. "What're you taking? Can I come with?" She smiled sweetly upon asking. Yuigahama's smile was probably the most defining feature of her for me.

"Uhm…" I couldn't think of much of an excuse to turn her down. Besides, she'll just see me take a box of chocolates, I won't be revealing too much and she won't learn much about it. "Fine." I agreed in the end. I didn't see a point in stopping her from watching me retrieve a box of chocolates as thanks from a first year. I slung my bag over my shoulder. "Let's go." I said to Yuigahama as I walked out of the classroom with my hands in my pockets as usual.

"Oh, wait! Wait! Let me pack first!" She was always that way, asking to walk together before she even packed all her stuff into her bag. She scurried back to her messy desk. As always, I walked ahead and stopped at the end of the corridor to wait for her. She came running towards my direction soon after.

"Why don't you ever wait for me?" She faked a look of annoyance.

"I did," I replied with a straight face. "Let's go." I walked on to the direction of the school's roof as Yuigahama followed closely behind. I opened the door to the roof. As expected, there was nobody and no one there except a box. Nobody comes to the roof much in our school, except for Zaimokuza sometimes. I was surprised how fast this first year student must've been, to have put it there already. I walked casually toward the box and picked it up. I opened it slowly and as promised, there was a red bag filled with chocolates inside, tied closed by a yellow ribbon.

"What is it?" Yuigahama peered over my shoulder, trying to sneak a glance at what I was holding. I simply turned around and showed it to her. I didn't see any harm in doing so. As soon as she noticed the red bag of chocolates, her face immediately turned pale. Her mouth was left open in shock. "Who… Who gave you this bag of chocolates?" She stuttered.

"Some first year student sent me a request which I completed, so he gave me this bag of chocolates as thanks." I revealed as much information as I felt I could without invading the privacy of the first year student. Yuigahama remained rooted to the ground, her face still pale. She looked so confused. Without saying another word, she rushed off to the exit of the roof, running back into the school building.

"Yuigahama!" I shouted for her but she continued to run away from me. "What's the matter with her? Did I say something wrong?" I muttered to myself. I looked back at the chocolates in my hand. Did it have something to do with that? It didn't matter as I rushed off after her to look for her. "Yuigahama!" I shouted as I ran through the school corridors.

* * *

I sat at my seat in the clubroom, reading my favourite book. Yuigahama and Hikigaya-kun should be here soon. I continued flipping the pages of my book as I awaited their arrival. Almost on cue, the club room door swung open.

"Hey, Yuiga-" My sentence was cut off upon seeing Yuigahama. Her smile was much weaker than usual, it wasn't hard to tell that something was off with her. She slid the club room door closed behind her, her smile gradually faded from her face. Furthermore, she wasn't with Hikigaya-kun. They always came to the club room together. Something must've happened to Yuigahama. "Are you okay, Yuigahama?" She lowered her head to look at the floor while I just stared at her, not knowing how to react.

"You…" she finally began. "You play dirty…" I was stunned. I play… dirty? Did I do something wrong? I was so confused.

"Did I do something?" I probed further.

"The chocolates…" she muttered. "I remembered seeing them after school on Valentine's Day. The red bag with a yellow ribbon. You were going to give them to Hikigaya-kun before I left that day. I left because I knew the sight of that happening would've torn me apart." She finally looked back at me. Her voice was shaky as though she was on the verge of crying. "Why… Why're you using the identity of a first year student to give it to Hikigaya-kun?" She faced back to the floor as she held both her hands together. "Why did I have to see it…" She continued, though this time much softer and barely audible. I didn't know how to respond to her. Neither did I expect her to have seen and remembered the bag of chocolates in my bag so long ago. I just stared at her, lost. At that moment my friendship with Yuigahama felt as though it were on a tipping point - anything wrong I said could've ended it then and there. I was scared to say the wrong thing so I just kept quiet. My lack of experience in dealing with relationships didn't help the matter either. I didn't how I was supposed to reply. Could I have told her I just felt a lot like giving Hikigaya-kun chocolates? That probably would've aggravated the matter. Moreover, I wasn't sure about my feelings for Hikigaya-kun yet. All I knew was that I didn't want my friendship with Yuigahama to end. Maybe I should just tell her about my plan? But that still wouldn't have explained why I gave Hikigaya-kun chocolates. Plus, I wanted as few people to know about this plan as possible, especially those closer to Hikigaya-kun, just in case they leak it out, causing my entire plan to fall into shambles. My mind became a nervous wreck as it tried to come up with an excuse, but none of them seemed viable.

"I…" I started without fully planning out what I was going to say. For now, I thought the best way to explain things was just to let her in on my plan of changing Hikigaya-kun. "I'm trying to change Hikigaya-kun." I tried to explain as confidently as I could. Yuigahama lifted her head once more, her look of disappointment completely changed to a look of astonishment. My mind was still a mess but I decided to just explain the plan first and figure out how to explain the chocolates later.

"Huh?"

"I… I've been pretending to be a first year student to -" I began explaining but before I could get past the first sentence, the club room door slammed open again. Hikigaya-kun was standing at the door, his hands on his knees as he rested his body weight on his knees and panted heavily. His entire face was covered in sweat. He appeared relieved upon looking into the club room as he let out a sigh. "I'll finish explain after club," I whispered to Yuigahama quickly.

"Yuigahama…" He was panting so hard he could barely speak. "Yo, Yuigahama, where'd you go? Are you okay?" Hikigaya-kun spoke between his breaths while trying to keep up his nonchalant facade. I felt a tinge of jealousy course through my body, another feeling that I wasn't used to. Why am I even jealous? Hikigaya-kun was just concerned about Yuigahama. He just went running around the school… looking for Yuigahama… The tornado swirling in my head grew stronger, causing my thoughts to become messier and messier. Yuigahama took a quick glance at me before turning back to Hikigaya-kun.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I didn't know what got into me." From my perspective, her smile was clearly forced but Hikigaya-kun accepted her reply anyway. We all took our usual seats for club. We received a couple of requests lately so we spent majority of club time brainstorming how to settle them, and carrying out some of the easier ones. Though, Yuigahama didn't talk as much for today's session. Her cheery smile now replaced with a stoned face. She was evidently bothered by the chocolates. As if that wasn't enough to worry about, Hikigaya-kun didn't seem to take the hint from the visit to the insectarium either, as he continued suggesting a couple of suggestions implying the need for his self sacrifice. Sighs. Sometimes I genuinely wonder how obvious things have to be for Hikigaya-kun to realize.

Club meeting soon ended. Hikigaya-kun said a "goodbye" before carrying his bag and leaving the club room, leaving only Yuigahama and I. Yuigahama's eyes were still focussed on the tabletop in front of her. She appeared dazed, as though a lot of things were running through her mind. She was clenching her fists tighter as she placed them on her lap.

"Yuigahama-" I tried to start explaining but Yuigahama cut me off immediately.

"I have a crush on Hikigaya-kun." Her fists tightened their grips on her skirt. She leaned forward slightly such that her fringe covered her eyes from my line of vision.

I was taken aback from her sudden confession. Why was she telling me this? It took me a few seconds to put all the pieces together. Yuigahama must be thinking that I was wooing Hikigaya-kun. She wants to declare Hikigaya-kun as her own just like how animals mark their territory. "I'm not wooing Hikigaya-kun, Yuigahama." I had to put that out first if I wanted her to continue listening to me, even if I wasn't sure if it was the truth. "I just… Hiratsuka-sensei wanted me to change him. It was her request. And I genuinely want to change him for the better. I only started posing as a first year student recently in the attempt of changing him." Yuigahama's head elevated slightly. She was beginning to believe in me. I retrieved my phone from my bag to show her the request for the insectarium to make her believe me, along with some of the texts I sent to Komachi. Only then did she fully lift her head up to look at me.

"But why the chocolates?" She asked the question I hoped she'd forget about. I had to think of an excuse on the spot. I couldn't possibly be honest with her about this and tell her I just really felt like giving Hikigaya-kun chocolates. That'd ruin our entire friendship and the whole point of me sharing with her my plan.

"I just wanted to make it more believable, so he'd doubt me less." I lied through my teeth, nervously. I wasn't sure if Yuigahama could see through me but she just sat there looking back at me for a couple of seconds.

"I want to help you and change Hikigaya-kun too." Her face was completely serious. I wasn't sure if she wanted to join me to ensure I wasn't wooing Hikigaya-kun or if she was genuine about wanting to help me. I hesitated for a moment. On one hand, it would be great to have another person close to Hikigaya-kun who could influence him more easily on board with the plan but… the other half of me felt reluctant to accept her request. If I accepted, it would mean I had to cut down on such things such as secretly giving him chocolates. Yet, I couldn't find a proper reason to reject her that wouldn't imply I was wooing Hikigaya-kun. If I rejected her, it would appear as though I had a crush on Hikigaya-kun, not that I was sure I didn't. Half-reluctant, I gave in to her request. Yet another person was included into the plan to change Hikigaya-kun and I guess this would make things much easier. Yuigahama left soon after. She didn't look completely satisfied, but she looked better at least. This left me alone in the club room. Just me… and the mess that was my thoughts.

My heart felt as though it was getting constricted. I had to be more cautious of my actions and messages to Hikigaya-kun now that Yuigahama had to be filled in with my plan. Though I wasn't entirely sure about my feelings for Hikigaya-kun yet, I knew that I wanted to do more similar things to secretly giving him chocolates. But now, my friendship with Yuigahama stands between me and this craving. Which was more important? I couldn't decide. I was so conflicted. I never thought that I'd be the one stuck in such a predicament, choosing between my best friend and a guy I'm developing feelings for. Ugh. Help me… I don't know what to do… For once, I felt like I had lost complete control of my life. Maybe the status quo was the best for all three of us, but… I didn't want that yet... at the same time, I did. I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I dealt with girls stealing my shoes and getting bullied in school all before, but this situation was way worse. The feeling of helplessness overwhelmed me. I never knew having friends was going to be this hard.

* * *

I waited by the school gate for Yuigahama. Something was off with her and I knew it. I never could read girls but I learnt a lot about their ways of deceit. I knew at least that when a girl says she's fine, she probably not. Or at least that's what browsing through the internet a lot told me. Either way, it was clear she wasn't herself. I left first in the hope that Yukinoshita could comfort her before she walked out. Girls comforting each other would probably have better than me comforting anyone, even if the girl was Yukinoshita.

Minutes later, Yuigahama came walking out the school gate. She still looked rather flustered. Her lips were pressed tightly together and she was deep in thought. She walked straight past me without even noticing me. She clearly had a lot on her mind.

"Yuigahama!" I called out for her. Only then did she notice my presence.

"Hikki…" she began but never said anything after. She looked nervous, her lips pressed together again. It was obvious that she was trying to hold back tears. Then, without warning, she leaped forward and embraced me in a hug. Her head was buried in my chest as her arms held me tight around the waist. "Promise me we'll always be friends, no matter what happens."

"What? What happened Yuigahama?" I couldn't piece anything together, I had no clue what was happening.

"Just promise me." I felt a droplet fall onto my shirt. "Promise me, okay?"

"Okay. Okay." I promised her, still unsure on what was exactly happening. "Are you okay, Yuigahama?" She slowly released her grip on me and took a few steps back. Through her tears, she forced a smile. Her smile was weak.

"Yeah. I'd like to walk home myself, though." Her voice was rough as she tried to talk through her tears. She turned to the direction of her home and carried on her journey while I watched her slowly fade away into the distance. I stood where I was, giving her some time to walk ahead. I knew how important alone time meant to a person, especially since I'd been alone quite a lot in my life. She needed space and I wanted to give her some. Probing too far probably wouldn't have had much success either anyway. I sighed. What was all that about? She'll get better after a good night's rest. I hoped, at least. I started my journey home.

Our relationship as friends was slowly being reduced to that of club members. Yuigahama's silence was a clear indicator of that. When she spent the entire club session practically not saying a word, all we discussed was the requests we received, nothing more. Maybe Yuigahama was the glue still keeping our relationships from barely falling apart. I hope she gets better soon. She was the only one of us who had experience in relationships and it showed as she was helped liven up the club and initiate conversations apart from our requests. If we lose her, we lose everything. Apart from that, I was getting worried for Yuigahama. I don't know what happened but it appeared quite serious. She was one of the few people who mattered to me a lot and I was concerned about her. I retrieved my phone from my pocket, hesitant to send her a text. I decided to anyway, to show my concern for her. Komachi showed me how important it was for someone just to show concern when one was upset. Whenever I was upset, Komachi's presence alone always cheered me up. I wanted to do the same with Yuigahama. Besides, a text would be good as she could reply any time she wanted, giving her sufficient space.

"Hey, you okay?" I texted her. Yuigahama was on my mind the entire journey back. I remembered the chocolates again as I pulled them out of my bag. Yuigahama's mood changed immediately after she saw these chocolates. Did these chocolates have to do with anything? I opened the bag and popped a piece into my mouth. Nothing came to mind. I shrugged it off and put the chocolates back into my bag, still trying to piece together what happened to Yuigahama.

* * *

I peered out the club room window, hoping the evening sky would soothe my mood. But the scene outside which caught my eye only made me feel worse. At the school gate stood Yuigahama and Hikigaya-kun as Yuigahama had her arms around Hikigaya-kun. For a solid few seconds, I just watched Hikigaya-kun in Yuigahama's embrace before she finally backed away. The emotional pain somehow turned into a physical one as I clenched my chest. "It hurts…" I muttered underneath my breath. The sight of Yuigahama hugging Hikigaya-kun was etched into my mind. I could feel jealousy surging through my entire body. At this point, I really didn't know what to do or how to feel anymore. My heart started aching slightly. Maybe the best was to let Yuigahama and Hikigaya-kun be together… I was getting a bad headache thinking about all these too. Honestly, I don't know anymore…


	4. Chapter 4: Talk

**A/N:** Chapters are going to be coming out more slowly now, sorry! Life's getting busy. I had many different ideas on how to take this story and this was the awkward bridging chapter that I didn't really know how to fill without it sounding really weird or unrealistic but I hope this is good enough. Disclaimer: Characters may be a bit OOC. Also, I didn't really intend to write too long a story because of the limited time I have, so it may be progressing at too fast a pace than some of you would prefer, apologies!

* * *

I continued my research on my laptop. I still believed that Hikigaya-kun had a high enough intellectual capability to understand the underlying meaning behind the bees, I just had to continue trying to pass the message to him. My mind was still a wreck from thinking about Yuigahama and Hikigaya-kun and the complications that were our relationships. But one thing I learnt was that the best way to keep your mind off something is to focus your entire mind on something else. So for now, I tried my best to continue researching on ways to make it more obvious to Hikigaya-kun that his methods were completely wrong. And it did work. I spent my time just researching about different analogies to Hikigaya-kun that I stopped contemplating about the future of the relationships of the three of us, though I knew that this was only running away from the problem and that we'd have to face it eventually. But I wanted to run from it for as long as I could. I was scared to face it. My fingers moved mechanically on the keyboard, trying to find the next step to my plan. Work had always been my sanctuary.

Hm… Should I try dolphins then? Maybe using an animal whose altruism doesn't require its self sacrifice could show Hikigaya-kun that there are other ways to go about problems. Sighs. Hikigaya-kun that dimwit. I didn't think trying to change him would be so difficult at first, especially trying to do it using the mask of a stranger. Why didn't I just do it as a friend, actually? Would that have been more effective? I don't know. Furthermore, something about confronting Hikigaya-kun about the way he does things didn't sit well with me. Would he hate me? Or stop talking to me? My doubts persuaded me to simply continue using my current plan, using the identity as an unknown first year student to persuade him. Then again, with Yuigahama on board, maybe I could try something more obvious instead. My plan sounded sillier and sillier the more I researched. Why couldn't that dimwitted Hikigaya-kun just take a hint at the insectarium... Ugh. Maybe I could discuss this with Yuigahama. I considered for a second before the sight I saw yesterday appeared in my mind again. Hikigaya-kun in Yuigahama's arms… No… I won't ask for her help. I won't let her interfere anymore. I'll change Hikigaya-kun myself. My selfish desire to be the one person who changes Hikigaya-kun made me have tunnel vision even though I knew using Yuigahama's help would've made things easier. I… I just didn't want to. I won't let Yuigahama be the one Hikigaya-kun notices again… I want to be the one who does it. If Yuigahama comes on board, she'll be the one noticed by Hikigaya-kun for everything, while I fade into the background… No… I won't let this be…

I suddenly snapped back to reality. What was I just thinking? Was that my selfishness overcoming me? Was I really jealous of Yuigahama and Hikigaya? Did I really want Hikigaya-kun's attention on me… I could feel my face burning up. I was embarrassed for thinking of all that. My sole purpose was to help change Hikigaya-kun for his own good. Not for him to notice me. Or at least that's what my initial goal was. Right now, I'm not even sure what I'm trying to achieve. Is changing Hikigaya-kun all that I want? Is that still my primary objective? Ugh. What's going on with me? I clenched my fists on my thighs as I stared blankly at my laptop screen. Even when I try to work, the thought of our relationships won't leave me alone. I eventually picked up my phone and decided to text Yuigahama. Maybe she had some ideas that I could use.

"Hey Yuigahama, do you have any ideas on how to change Hikigaya-kun?" I texted her.

"I was planning to just talk to him directly tomorrow in class. He's pretty oblivious, so I thought telling him straight would be the best thing to do." She replied fairly quickly.

Yuigahama was already planning on acting on her own? I thought that upon including her in my plan she'd be working together with me to change Hikigaya-kun but apparently she didn't think the same way. She was already planning on talking to Hikigaya-kun tomorrow without informing me about it. I felt betrayed. But then again, I found it hard to blame her. I was having the same thoughts just a second ago - doing everything without telling Yuigahama about it. But I can't just let her talk to Hikigaya-kun and convince him. That'll only make her more noticeable to Hikigaya-kun and thus making me less noticeable to him by comparison. I can't allow that. Yet at the same time, I couldn't exactly muster the courage to confront Hikigaya-kun face to face about his mindset problem. I guess that's where Yuigahama is much better than me - free from the confines of the anxiety of an extreme introvert. I worried too much about how Hikigaya-kun would view me to do such a thing. But if it actually works out, Yuigahama would be given all the credit.

"Can I come with?" I typed into my phone but was still deliberating on whether I should send it. I was in a serious dilemma. No, I was the one who wanted to change Hikigaya-kun. It's only right that I followed Yuigahama to talk to Hikigaya-kun. Besides, she'll do all the talking anyway, there's no harm in my following her and Hikigaya-kun will notice me that much more. Before I knew it, my intention to change Hikigaya-kun now came with the side goal of trying to get him to notice me. Why do I even want that dimwit to notice me so much? I didn't even know how to answer myself. I clicked the send button in the end. I didn't want to be left out of everything.

Yuigahama replied quickly again. "I don't think it's necessary. It's more convenient for me since I'm in his class anyway. I think I'll be able to handle it on my own." Did I read this wrongly? I was expecting Yuigahama to agree to allow me to at least be there when it happens, but she actually didn't even want me there. She wanted Hikigaya-kun all for herself. I have to be there, I can't let Yuigahama be the only one. But, I don't have an actual reason to go now since Yuigahama said she'd be fine by herself. It'll appear too obvious that I wanted to be there. I mean, I could still go as a friend who's concerned about him, right? Would he interpret it that way? I knew I was overthinking things and this was all just my paranoia speaking but I couldn't do anything to get rid of it. These thoughts continued to plague me. I guess I'll just leave it to Yuigahama, albeit extremely reluctantly. All my previous efforts were all for naught if Yuigahama could simply change Hikigaya-kun just like that. Why couldn't I be as good as Yuigahama in talking to people? Ugh. I slammed my fist into the table. Why…

* * *

Another boring day in the prison that is school. I've spent countless of days here everything has become part of a routine already. Some sights appear almost as though they are part of the school environment. I took a glance at Hayama and his clique of friends. _Like that one._ I pictured myself sitting alone at my seat, with nobody within a ten metre radius. _And this one._ I slumped forward onto my desk. I stared intently at the clock, watching the seconds tick by. I couldn't wait to return to the comfort of my video games. I counted down to the end of lesson as the second hand of the clock made its rounds.

The long awaited school bell finally rang as people dashed out the classroom doors. I didn't exactly like to show my excitement to go home, so I lazed about in the classroom for a bit too. Lethargically, I set my books back in their bag. The clicking sound of school shoes on the classroom floor got my attention while I was about to pick up my bag. I raised my head to see Yuigahama standing before me. What's she doing? There wasn't club today so there was no reason for her to walk up to me.

"Ya-hallo, Hikki…" She looked nervous. "You got some time to talk in the clubroom?" She wanted to talk to me in the clubroom? This was a first. Her nervousness made me feel uneasy about the talk to come.

"Uhm… sure," I responded while picking my bag up and standing up such that my eyes were level with Yuigahama's. "Will Yukino be there too?" I followed up. I thought maybe it was some emergency Service Club meeting, though I'm not sure under what circumstances will we ever need to call such a meeting. The question didn't seem to please Yuigahama much as she looked annoyed. Did I say something wrong?

"No, I didn't want to bother her." A talk between only Yuigahama and I? More and more questions popped into my head. What could she possibly want to talk to me about? Puzzled, I followed her lead as she strolled to the clubroom ahead of me. For once, she had even packed her bag before me. Something was definitely amidst. She opened the clubroom door gently and sat at her usual seat. Likewise, I sat in mine, quite a distance away from hers. "Close the door, Hikigaya-kun." She signalled for me to shut the door. I was still confused, but obeyed her instructions anyway, getting up to close the door before returning to my seat. I felt queasier with each second that passed as we sat there quietly for a bit. This was even more painful than waiting for school to end. What did she want to tell me? Her serious face then broke into a small giggle. Again, I never could understand the feelings and fickleness of the people. One moment ago, she was just having a stern face and the next moment she's giggling.

"You're so dense, Hikigaya-kun." Her giggling finally ceased. With a small grin on her face, she stared directly at the tabletop whereas I was looking at her. She was fidgeting with her skirt. "Sometimes, you just can't understand something that's placed right in front of you." I thought that my questions would be answered once she began speaking but questions continued to bombard my mind. What's she referring to? She followed up with a moment of silence.

"What do you mean?" I finally broke the silence. My curiosity was beyond piqued. She stood up. The screeching sound of the chair scratching against the ceramic classroom floor reverberated in the air. She walked steadily toward me.

"Do you remember the night at the bamboo woods?" She set herself on the table and faced the back of the classroom. For some reason, she didn't want to face me even when she was talking to me.

"Yeah…" It happened quite a while back but I remembered it. Possibly one of the most noble things I've done, I must say, satisfying three people's request at once with just one sentence from my mouth. I saved Tobe from getting rejected, Ebina from having to reject Tobe and helped Hayama keep the status quo he wanted in his clique. Even till today, they are still a rather tight clique. I grinned to myself. Then, I remembered Yukino's and Yuigahama's reaction to my actions afterwards. "What about it?" My grin began to vanish as I slowly realized the direction this conversation was going.

"I didn't like it."

"Hm...?" Her responses had all been rather vague today. I wished she got to the point more quickly. Is this how other people usually talk to people? The mystery of human conversations will forever remain unknown to me.

"Do you like me, Hikigaya-kun?" I didn't understand where this conversation was heading anymore. Her questions began to seem as if they were at random.

"I mean, as a friend, yeah, of course." I was assuming that's what she meant.

"You didn't seem to care when I told you I didn't like it." She didn't sound like her usual self. Her upbeat, cheerful personality changed to a serious and seemingly scary one in the span of just a day.

"Huh? I didn't know you were so hung up about it. What did you not like about it?" I failed to see the cons of fulfilling three people's request with a single sentence. Yuigahama lowered her head and sighed in disappointment.

"I honestly don't know what I see in you," she mumbled under her breath, barely audible for me to hear. "You're much more oblivious than I expected." Her volume was much louder now. "Do you remember what Yukino and I told you that day after it happened, at least?" I tried my best to reach the depths of my hippocampus. It happened so long ago but if I couldn't answer her, I was sure there'd be a rather serious consequence.

"Something about not liking my methods," I eventually recalled, vaguely. I turned away from her to look at the floorboards. Is this what this is about? I never understood what they meant about disapproving my methods. Besides, my method was exactly what solved that problem. Was there anything wrong? Did anything bad come out of it? Not that I knew of. How could they be bad? A tiny smile crept up her face.

"At least you remembered that." Her voice began to sound shaky.

"But I never understood it."

"That was only what Yukino said. I said something different." She swung her head downwards such that she was facing the floorboards too. "Though I'm not surprised that's all that you remembered," she added softly. I returned her with a clueless expression. I don't think I have much recollection on what Yuigahama said then. "I said I never wanted to see something like that." She spared me the agony of continuing to dig my brain for the answer. Her response left me even more puzzled. Why did she want me to remember that? "I also asked if it would kill you to just spare a thought for other people's feelings," she continued. The method was the most effective way in my opinion. I considered the requests of all three of them and reached this method as the most effective one, what was so wrong about it?

"I did. I took into account Tobe's request, and Hayama and Ebina also mentioned that they wanted to maintain-"

"I didn't mean their feelings. There are many other people around you, Hikki." She cut me off. "Do you know how much pain I felt when I heard you say those words that night. You told Ebina that you'd always liked her. I figured out that it was a lie afterwards but even so, I felt so hurt and in pain." I didn't understand her at all. Why did she feel pain when I just lied about liking Ebina? After all, everybody around us probably knew it was a lie. My clueless expression must've given away that I still didn't understand Yuigahama's point. "You still don't get it do you…" I heard her exhale sharply in disappointment. I began to hear the dripping of droplets on the clubroom floor. "Everytime you think of such stupid methods and sacrifice yourself like that. It hurts the people around you, you know. It hurts me, it hurts Yukinon too. Seeing you belittle yourself and look down upon yourself as less than others. It's painful. Have a little dignity in yourself, Hikki." The sound of her dripping tears became more frequent. "Sure, this may have worked last time but that was when there was no one else around you. But now, you have us. You have people who care about you and we can't take it every time you just treat your dignity and reputation as nothing and just sacrificing yourself."

So these were how my actions were interpreted by others. Was this what Yukinoshita meant when she said she hated my methods? Maybe all these years spent alone with practically nobody to care about me except my own sister was detrimental to how I interacted with others in the future. For years, I've never considered hurting others as a result of my self-sacrifice as a possibility. "You feel hurt when I sacrifice my reputation and dignity?" I voiced my concern, still slightly unconvinced.

"It's called caring for you, Hikki. How would you feel if I sacrificed my own reputation. If I went to tell a random guy I don't even know that I always had a crush on him for the sake of someone else?" Her crying ceased as she turned to take a glance at my expressionless, thoughtful face. "On second thought, maybe I don't really want you to tell me your answer." I was glad she said that too, or I was pretty sure I was going to say something she didn't want to hear. "Point is," she followed up. "You need to know now that there are people who care about you, who get hurt by your sacrificial actions. I know you don't personally understand this, probably because you never felt this way before, but I hope you'll keep this in mind anyway. There are consequences to your actions."

I kept silent, trying to digest all that she had just said. It was true that I never felt this way before or had the thought that sacrificing my own reputation would hurt the feelings of those around me. "People always told me that if I changed myself, I'll change the world. I never believed them. It never worked. The image and reputation of me being a loner was long etched into everybody's minds. No matter how much I used to try, I'd always be seen like a loner. I learnt that my reputation never mattered, so why not use it as a tool to help others? It's not as if my reputation could get much worse anyway."

Just then, the door slid open. Yukino stood at the door with an angered face. "You don't get it do you?" Her voice was slowly increasing in volume, though not to that of a shout yet but she was clearly annoyed. "Stop thinking about only yourself or whoever you're trying to help. It isn't just about the both of you. You've got me and Yuigahama now. Why don't you help our feelings by stop being such a selfish person and stop treating your reputation like it's a joke? Can't you see that you're not a loner anymore? So stop treating yourself like one, it sickens me." Her volume suddenly decreased drastically. "It hurts me…" She paused for a moment. Her angered expression was gradually fading. "I don't know about changing the world by changing yourself, but I can assure you that by changing yourself, you'll at least be changing _my_ world. And even Yuigahama's." Her voice grew shaky as she looked down to hide the tears forming in her eyes. I could see her tightly grabbing onto her skirt. I'd never seen Yukinoshita this worked up before. I shifted my gaze between the two of them, two crying faces - crying because they cared for me and couldn't stand watching me get hurt, even though I never minded it that much myself. I'd taken this for granted all along. I always craved for something genuine but it was right in front of me all along. A friendship where people cared about me. The genuine feeling of care and concern, I finally feel it. I never experienced it, so I never realised that this was what it was all about, until now. My emotions overcame me as tears started forming in my eyes too. I stood up as the deafening screech of the chair on the floorboard caught their attention.

"Sorry." I could hear my own voice beginning to break from the crying. "And thank you. I'm sorry I never realised it till now, but thank you for helping me realise it. That I wasn't facing the world alone anymore. That I have you two to care for me and vice versa now. That there was something genuine between us all along." I never liked to be sentimental, but in this moment I couldn't help it. "I'll try to change myself." Yukinoshita was right, it was time I stopped doing things only for myself. "For now, at least, I promise to try not to suggest any self-sacrificial ideas for our requests." Bright smiles appeared on their faces despite their teary eyes. I couldn't help but smile too. I never felt this way before, but I'm happy I finally did. It was going to be hard to change my mindset completely, I knew that but for them, I'll at least try. "Thank you…" I could feel the tension around our relationship easing slowly and I hope both of them felt the same way too. Maybe sometimes being honest with each other is the best thing to do. Now I know what to do to make them happier and to make our relationships better. Although silence once again enveloped the room, this time, I didn't mind it as much.

* * *

We all took a while to calm ourselves down. Hikigaya-kun left soon enough after the conversation. He mentioned that he had to do something for Komachi, leaving just Yuigahama and I in the room.

"How did you know we'd be here?"

"I come to the clubroom quite frequently even if there wasn't club." I told a half-lie. It was true that there were occasions which I would go to the clubroom even when there wasn't club, but not today. I was rushing around the entire school looking for them ever since the school bell rang before eventually finding them at the clubroom. I stood outside the door for a while just eavesdropping on the conversation up till the point I felt I really had to step in, when I couldn't control myself anymore, when I couldn't take Hikigaya-kun's density anymore. I couldn't pinpoint the exact motivation for me to find them. Part of me couldn't stand just the thought of Yuigahama talking alone with Hikigaya-kun, the other part didn't want Yuigahama to be alone when she was trying to convince and change Hikigaya-kun as I felt I could be of some help. "Anyway, thanks for your help." I tried my best to sound sincere but I still felt betrayed that she wanted to do this all by herself, and even planned on not informing me about it.

"I did it for myself… not you…" she muttered at an inaudible volume. "I'm not the nice girl you think I am." I heard that part. Slowly, I was discovering what she meant, although I'm not entirely sure if I wanted to continue discovering it. "So, I guess you don't have to pretend to be a first year student to talk to Hikki anymore!" Was this her revealing her ulterior motive? Was this why she wanted to get this over with so quickly? But she was right. Since Hikigaya-kun promised us already, there was no reason for me to continue pretending to be a first year student.

"Yeah…" I agreed, reluctantly.

"See you tomorrow, Yukinon!" She skipped out of the clubroom.

But just because I don't need to pretend to be one, doesn't mean I can't continue to be one. I wasn't like Yuigahama. Every time I saw Hikigaya-kun I wouldn't be able to talk to him as normally as I used to. I didn't know why but I hated it so much. I had zero experience regarding these kind of things. Now, with the website, I can continue using the anonymity to talk to Hikigaya-kun without feeling as nervous because he won't know it's me. I was so envious of Yuigahama - her ability and fearlessness to just confront Hikigaya-kun the way she just did was something I couldn't do. Even by saying those few words to Hikigaya-kun that I just did, I was getting worried about how his impression of me would change. She found it so easy yet I had to come up with a convoluted elaborate plan to try and change Hikigaya-kun. I was really envious of her. All I wanted now was to talk more with Hikigaya-kun even if he didn't know it was me, maybe find out more about him so I could interact with him better in real life. I was such a failure at socialising and interacting with people in real life. I sighed. Besides, no one else will know it's me now, I just need to be more careful not to let Yuigahama find out again. I retrieved my laptop from my bag, accessed the club website and began typing another private request.

Hey Hikigaya-kun…


End file.
